Justice Served: How I Got Back At Mintzy For Quitting Kate's Stream

In case you missed it, last week our radiant queen Kate orchestrated a bizarre yet wildly entertaining world record stream for the Barstool Chicago office to take part in. Everyone knew how crucial it was to show up and bring their A-game to make the event as lively and memorable as possible. Kate isn’t just respected in this office—she’s revered. She’s our queen bee, the heart and soul of the crew, and we all rally around her without question.

So, when Mintzy pulled his usual self-centered antics, the office collectively lost it. All Kate had asked of him was simple: sit there, talk about himself (which he loves doing anyway), and hype up his unlimited profit boost. That’s it. But no. Mintzy, a grown-ass man, bailed three minutes into the stream because, and I quote, it was "too cold." Mind you, it was 45 degrees—not exactly the Arctic. His excuse enraged me and everyone else. It wasn’t just about him quitting—it was the audacity to leave Kate hanging when she was counting on him.

I couldn’t let it slide. I had to do something. My first idea was to mess with him by pretending I’d meet him at the Florida Gator bar in Chicago for the game against Ole Miss, only to stand him up. But on Saturday morning, I woke up with a gut feeling. It was the kind of intuition that’s hard to ignore—like a spiritual calling. Just as the Virgin Mary felt Jesus in her womb, I felt a Florida Gators win brewing in my bones. So, I switched gears and decided to show up at the bar, ready to do what I do best: be an insufferable prick.

From the moment I walked in, I was on Mintzy like white on rice (pause). Every Florida touchdown was like a judge slamming the gavel with a guilty verdict. Every Ole Miss turnover felt like poetic justice—watching the bad guy get his comeuppance in real time. As my team dismantled Ole Miss’s season, I didn’t just revel in the victory—I thrived on watching Mintzy’s spirit crumble. His soul practically left his body with every play, and I soaked in every second of it.

This wasn’t just about football; it was something bigger. It was about justice. Justice for Kate, our beloved queen. Watching Mintzy squirm was satisfying, but knowing I stood up for Kate made it all the sweeter.